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28 January 2009 @ 04:09 pm
After I took a step out of that darkened world, I realise i'm slowly beginning to want things again. It used to be a world where the only thing i wanted was for the pain to stop and stay that way. But now i guess i have much more space to want other stuff too! haha. which leads me into another problem where i want too many things at a time. there are really too many small things so i guess ill just list out generally a few major things. (not in order of priority)
1. To stay happy.
2. To travel and see the world.
3. To ORD (so that i can do the things i want)
4. To possibly find love.
5. To get rid of the outdated perception or me that i am a sad dude.
6. To eat LOTS OF GOOD FOOD
7. To start earning my own money (and i mean a proper job, not the measly 400 bucks NS ALLOWANCE)
8. Learn an instrument (prolly picking up guitar which is my second favorite instrument)
9. Pass driving (its more of a i dont wanna waste anymore time on driving lessons thing)
10. Spend more time with my family (and try to make things better)
11. Achieve lots of random sports aims.
12. Share what I have and will achieve with the people around me.
13. Make this screwed-up world a happier one.
Guess its not too much.
1. To stay happy.
2. To travel and see the world.
3. To ORD (so that i can do the things i want)
4. To possibly find love.
5. To get rid of the outdated perception or me that i am a sad dude.
6. To eat LOTS OF GOOD FOOD
7. To start earning my own money (and i mean a proper job, not the measly 400 bucks NS ALLOWANCE)
8. Learn an instrument (prolly picking up guitar which is my second favorite instrument)
9. Pass driving (its more of a i dont wanna waste anymore time on driving lessons thing)
10. Spend more time with my family (and try to make things better)
11. Achieve lots of random sports aims.
12. Share what I have and will achieve with the people around me.
13. Make this screwed-up world a happier one.
Guess its not too much.
Current Mood: 
energetic
energeticCurrent Music: Some random classical tune emitting from the "antique" radio
16 January 2009 @ 09:52 pm
:) =) x) xD :D :o :0 :o :| :s
i smile because i am feeling happy right now.
..and happier each day.
i smile because i am feeling happy right now.
..and happier each day.
Current Mood: bouncy
bouncyCurrent Music: Boston - Augustana
10 January 2009 @ 09:56 am
We'll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don't need
Anything
Or anyone
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world
I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
Those three words,
Are said too much
They're not enough
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads
(In album version but not in music video)
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes
They're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things
Will never change for us at all
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Everything
On our own
We don't need
Anything
Or anyone
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world
I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
Those three words,
Are said too much
They're not enough
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads
(In album version but not in music video)
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes
They're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things
Will never change for us at all
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Current Mood: 
melancholy
melancholyCurrent Music: Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars
08 January 2009 @ 11:21 am
They say its better to have loved than have never at all. its not that i disagree, but its just very costly to have loved someone. or perhaps.. its because it has already become a one sided thing..
though we're apart, i still do dream of us being together. but it is but a dream. One that i will never try to achieve. because it is no longer my turn to love you. i am not waiting in queue either. i am merely in the queue just so i can watch you laugh and be share your joy with person in the front.
though i dont have to, i still want to protect you. but i am but the covering stuntman in the action movie, not the lead actor. and more often than not i end up hurting myself time and time again because i am vulnerable to you. every word, every action. they affect me. but i wont tell you. after all, my job is to take all the risks and bide all the wounds. it is your job to smile in front of the camera and make the film look good.
though its silly to not runaway from all this, ill still stay right here in the stupidity of this all. but it is not coz im some hopeless romantic who stays on despite the danger of falling far beyond what he can handle. it is simply because i know i just cant outrun a person who is right here in my heart all the time.
i pray this love on my side will die eventually. just spare me and let it die. let us be able to be great friends without all this added pain. let it die..
though we're apart, i still do dream of us being together. but it is but a dream. One that i will never try to achieve. because it is no longer my turn to love you. i am not waiting in queue either. i am merely in the queue just so i can watch you laugh and be share your joy with person in the front.
though i dont have to, i still want to protect you. but i am but the covering stuntman in the action movie, not the lead actor. and more often than not i end up hurting myself time and time again because i am vulnerable to you. every word, every action. they affect me. but i wont tell you. after all, my job is to take all the risks and bide all the wounds. it is your job to smile in front of the camera and make the film look good.
though its silly to not runaway from all this, ill still stay right here in the stupidity of this all. but it is not coz im some hopeless romantic who stays on despite the danger of falling far beyond what he can handle. it is simply because i know i just cant outrun a person who is right here in my heart all the time.
i pray this love on my side will die eventually. just spare me and let it die. let us be able to be great friends without all this added pain. let it die..
frustrated06 January 2009 @ 05:24 pm
i realise im starting to treasure my life more and more each day. its a good feeling really. i havent felt this way since i was depressed. even with the occasional times where i think abt the past and almost slip right back into that dark world i feel im finally able to let go of things. i feel happy that im making progress. or maybe its coz im progressing thats why im getting happier. but who cares anyway. :) haha. really gotta thank God for being there all the time and helping me forgive myself for things i blamed myself for. i feel really blessed seriously, to have gone through those trials. they made me see the world in a very different way, i realise alot of my theories on life are flawed (to you know who you are: there's no need to point them out so aggressively my friend, im fully aware of the possibility of them being flawed. and ive decided it wud be better if i do not discuss them with you nowadays; coz more often than not, you stand so firm in the beliefs that you have formulated that it kind of sparks of some sort of conflict between us where u will put my theory down without explanation. i find this rather unnecessary since i just wanted to share my sentiments with you but i always end up being put down as a fool and it kinda ends up on you forcing your opinion on me without much explanation whatsoever. plus its quite an unpleasant experience on my end. i mean true, you may be right but im pretty sure ur approach itself is questionable. but nevertheless, i still love you my friend and these are just my feelings on this issue between us. i do pray anyway both of us will end up being wiser in the end. (: )
To Wanlin (who prolly doesn't read this anyway): Thanks for listening and TRYING to give advice. its really helpful, but its usually highly irrelevant due to me being highly vague, messy and incoherent. i would have misunderstood myself if i were you. but thanks for even bothering to reply to my great amount of absolute rubbish that seemed to matter but actually doesnt.
To God (Whom i owe so much to): ive finally started appreciating this life you have given me my Lord and im fully aware that it may be taken away from me anytime. I really hope You wont take it away from me too early but i pray that during this period of time when im alive as part of Your will, i will be able to do things pleasant to You and of Your will and at the same time continue to appreciate this life of living in Your will more and more each growing day. Amen.
Current Mood: 
cheerful
cheerful26 December 2008 @ 12:44 pm
Spent my christmas day at Sharon's party (Credits to Sharon, Xinhui & Siying). Which turned out to be to loads of fun! Haha. It started out quite awkward since not everyone knew each other. Lol. It was kinda funny when we started forming a weird circle standing up and eating when there were seats available. I guess the point where everyone really warmed up was when we started playing retarded card games like "Homo" where partners had this secret action where ure supposed to shout "Homo!" when your partner achieves a particular set of cards in order for you two to score a point. Jye Shyang and I ending up eating fishballs soaked in orange syrup (Which tasted fine, to my surprise). The funniest was still Sont. He came up with a round featuring ferrero rocher topped with spicy chilli sauce and quality mee siam gravy. It looked (and probably tasted) repulsive. Haha. The fella then went on to lose the round and ended up eating it himself along with his innocent partner Desmond. Quotes: "Karma".
After that we started playing this drinking game called the queens. It was brutal. Haha. Clement came up with a rule (you get to create a rule for the game when u draw a 5) that the people to his left and right have to drink if he is made to drink. This meant Pachara and Ben Tay were implicated. So when all guys drank (when someone draws an ace) She also had to drink. But the most spastic part was when she drew a king (u get to make someone drink). She was like super happy and decided to take revenge on Clement, unaware she had just shot herself in the foot and had to drink as well. haha. I remember her drinking consecutively for quite a few rounds. But it wasnt that bad, coz the amount of vodka in the cup wasnt really much and we only had to take a sip from that.
But the Queen's cup was a totally different matter.
Everytime someone drew a queen. They would fill 1/3 of the cup with anything they wanted. Up till the third queen and the cup was full. The cup ended up being filled with 2/3 pure vodka and 1/3 coke or something. So we played till the deck was almost up. There were four cards remaining then and the people drawing those cards were Desmond, Sont, Siying and finally me. The 1st card wasnt a queen, neither was the second. When it was down to the two of us, Siying was like "oh shit." I went on to assure her that if it was a competition of poor luck, i would definitely emerge victorious. And true enough, Kenneth drew the last queen and went on to down a glass almost purely-filled by vodka.
Merry Christmas :)
After that we started playing this drinking game called the queens. It was brutal. Haha. Clement came up with a rule (you get to create a rule for the game when u draw a 5) that the people to his left and right have to drink if he is made to drink. This meant Pachara and Ben Tay were implicated. So when all guys drank (when someone draws an ace) She also had to drink. But the most spastic part was when she drew a king (u get to make someone drink). She was like super happy and decided to take revenge on Clement, unaware she had just shot herself in the foot and had to drink as well. haha. I remember her drinking consecutively for quite a few rounds. But it wasnt that bad, coz the amount of vodka in the cup wasnt really much and we only had to take a sip from that.
But the Queen's cup was a totally different matter.
Everytime someone drew a queen. They would fill 1/3 of the cup with anything they wanted. Up till the third queen and the cup was full. The cup ended up being filled with 2/3 pure vodka and 1/3 coke or something. So we played till the deck was almost up. There were four cards remaining then and the people drawing those cards were Desmond, Sont, Siying and finally me. The 1st card wasnt a queen, neither was the second. When it was down to the two of us, Siying was like "oh shit." I went on to assure her that if it was a competition of poor luck, i would definitely emerge victorious. And true enough, Kenneth drew the last queen and went on to down a glass almost purely-filled by vodka.
Merry Christmas :)
Current Mood: cheerful
cheerful21 December 2008 @ 12:16 am
Today I feel good and stable again. Sleep does wonders. :) There isn't a point in brooding over spilt milk. I should be glad and I will be. I guess its enough for me to just be able see you smile.. Be able to say your name and do the same myself, when i think how'll u'll be happy smiling somewhere else.. To know that at least I can be there for you as a friend. Im thankful I didn't lose you in that sense. Haha. I guess u'll be one of those people that i'll love.. however separate the paths we take may be. Im just thankful for your existence and for mine to have been able to cross with yours.
Went out with Ben today. Haha. Singaporeans are crazy shit when it comes to sales. You'll see all the shops like overturned and insanely packed, then there'll be like poor counter staff working their butts off trying to clear up the insane mess. We shopped for five plus hours and bought close to nothing. Haji Lane, PLEASE DO NOT DISAPPOINT.
Oh. Forgot. Watched twilight with Cullen-Crazy Rachel yesterday. Bella is freaking attractive. Its like shes not extremely gorgeous and pretty but there was this super nice aura about her character. Haha. I guess that makes me Bella-Betwitched. Anyways, i haven't read the book yet. But i have this strong feeling that the movie will be much better appreciated after reading.
Went out with Ben today. Haha. Singaporeans are crazy shit when it comes to sales. You'll see all the shops like overturned and insanely packed, then there'll be like poor counter staff working their butts off trying to clear up the insane mess. We shopped for five plus hours and bought close to nothing. Haji Lane, PLEASE DO NOT DISAPPOINT.
Oh. Forgot. Watched twilight with Cullen-Crazy Rachel yesterday. Bella is freaking attractive. Its like shes not extremely gorgeous and pretty but there was this super nice aura about her character. Haha. I guess that makes me Bella-Betwitched. Anyways, i haven't read the book yet. But i have this strong feeling that the movie will be much better appreciated after reading.
Current Mood: content
content10 December 2008 @ 11:16 pm
Just returned from some ORD celebration. My "upperstudys" are all gonna ORD by the end of next WEEK. While mine sadly, is in the YEAR 2010. Horribly distant. Its gonna get so quiet in the office without my two friends doing stupid things. Irritating each other. Making fun of each other. I can't wait till my turn comes. Where I get to surrender my pass and all those NS related stuff. And get to say goodbyes to my enquiries and data churnings.
1 year and 3 months.. ORD lo. xD
09 December 2008 @ 08:21 pm
I guess its time I let go of everything. Confess to everything. I used to announce to the world that I've let go of the past, that I'm fine, only to fall right back into depression upon encountering the slightest setback. I was pathetic. Its kinda embarrassing to even ponder upon those thoughts I used to have. Reality has proven itself against every single theory I've had about life. Okay. Maybe not every single one, I guess there were just so many. I thought I knew the world. when in fact I was worlds away from knowing. It seems logical for me to regret my actions and wallow in self pity once more. Hate myself for my weaknesses. For my errors. But I realise I have had enough of that. I want to pick myself up again. And I will do so with God's strength. To those who consider me a friend, I hope you guys can keep me in your prayers as I put in my own effort to be a happy person. To stand so strong that I can support others when they need it.
Apart from that, Christmas is coming! Its my favorite festival of the year. I don't know bout you but I kinda get this warm feeling during Christmas. Haha. From the songs and everything. Especially the song "Last Christmas" (i think thats the correct title). Anyways its the one which goes "Last christmas I gave you my heart, the very next day, you gave it away.." HAHA. I will like get high over that song and start singing along and making weird actions. Haha. Anyway, it means the new year is coming too. And I get to make my new year resolution. Haha. I guess this will be it then. A simple one. I want to be a better person. :)
Current Mood: optimistic
optimistic